With a sigh he slowly climbed the stairs. His hands gripping the banister tightly, they just needed something to hold. He mustn't show weakness now, he mustn't let the emptiness inside show and he must reach privacy before his strength and willpower deserted him. A tremble rippled through his body, it was going to be a bad night. A memory surfaced, a face, a name. Shutting his eyes he pushed the memory away, not now, not yet.

Music whispered beside him as he moved but however there was no comfort in the soft, slow melody. Instead the hidden pain within him resonated with the sadness of the song. Quickly loud heavy beats replaced the sadness in an attempt to force it away, but yet it would never go away. The monotonous and thoughtless task of brushing teeth was bliss to a mind seeking shelter. For an age he brushed, wishing his pain would be cleaned away so easily.

Goodnights were said in wavering voices before he stepped into his room, his sanctuary and hell. Sighing again he closed the door and extinguished the light. There was now silence save for his accelerated heartbeat, a product of the alcohol in his bloodstream. A whole bottle of sweet, mind-numbing and thought-obliterating nectar was swallowed in the hope it would ease the hurt. His step faltered, his strength failed. Collapsing onto the bed he didn't move, he didn't dare incase it would trigger the emptiness to come rushing through.

Another memory came, the same face, the same name. This time he didn't succeed in blocking it. It was too much. The hole in him grew, the loneliness took hold and the pain increased. Not so soon, a few more moments please... Thoughts raced through his dulled mind, memories of happier times tormented him, teasing at him and laughing at his pain, his sadness. Arms wrapped around a pillow, crushing it to his chest, next to the hole in his heart in a futile attempt to fill the cold void.

Tears streamed down in an uncontrollable river. He wished for an end. Hands clutched tightly at his chest but no matter how much he squeezed he couldn't feel it for the despair that raged in him. Fists smashed into the bed in anger at his weakness and in order to feel something, anything. His head slammed into the pillow begging for a release, for it to end and the sweet absence of feeling that sleep brought.

Time passed. Memories came and went. Tears fell and dried. Physical and mental exhaustion hamstrung his attempts to control the sadness and keep it locked but inside it was he who was caged. Trapped in a never ending spiral of what once was.

As dawn shone through the blinds he finally succumbed to blissful sleep. His throat hoarse with the crying, the shouts and the screams that were muffled by wet pillows. Only a few hours seperated him from a new day and the fresh challenge of survival that it would bring but at least he was asleep finally. At least he might get some peace in unconsciousness. The beautiful face that forever drifted in his mind faded and the darkness took him.

As im writing this after the experiences i have not died from it ^^

Hear are some tips:

Firstly, Do bring ur own paintballs, they are seriously expensive, its where they grab u by the balls so to speak (pun intended). 100 costs £5! The 2000 for £80 is little better. Buying from other stores or online would be a far better deal.

Secondly, do bring food and water, u will need it! The amount of energy and liquid u will use up during the few hours is quite extraordinary and u may want it for the moral comfort of eating and drinking after games....and they charge a fortune for that too, thank go they didnt charge for the ketchup...

Thirdly, do NOT at ANY time charge forward into the open by yourself, u will get minced ! When u got 20+ oppositions waiting for someone to become a easy target then well, u can guess what happens :)

Fourthly, prior to the mincing process please do wear clothing under the suit, those shots hurt alot, u willl get bruises especially at close range and some guys were even bleeding after games. Not too much as if it is a sunny day the experience will become somethig akin to a sauna with a hot mudbath and pain (provided u are gd enough to be destroyed by paintballs)

Fifthly wear contacts if possible....glasses steam up as well as the visor and it ruins accuracy of shots, thats my exvuse anyway. Also get plenty of piantballs, u can use hundreds in a game of around 10 minutes. U dont want to be hanging around with an empty gun.

Lastly and most importantly please DO HAVE FUN! Happy hunting :)